Nulledge.net

I’ve been using CrossLoop lately as a way to fix people’s computers. It gives me a few side jobs, but it’s also perhaps a good way to get more of a footing into freelancing work. I’d love to use collaboration tools, but some people suck at using them.. and I haven’t had much experience with them.. so i need to brush up..

I have this strange feeling of abandonment.. don’t get me wrong.. i’ve abandoned a few people in my time.. but at the same time.. it’s weird to have it happen to me.. but in any case… I’ve also found quite a few xanthros and nulledge’s out there.. curse them all for taking my good name.. I’ve had my nick (xanthros) since 1998… in the early days of the internet.. nulledge.. that was born a few years later.. but still pretty early. Why did i not buy nulledge.com?.. well.. because at the time i thought .net would be cooler.. now.. i regret that decision.. but what is done.. is done.

Good god.. 5 am and I can’t sleep.  I have work in a few hours and i’m desperately trying to will myself to sleep.. damn heroes.. in my desperation to catch up it’s made me less sleepy.. and for the life of me, I can’t seem to get this crossposting plugin to work.. what the hell?..

I”m keeping myself busy these days with websites, video slideshows, and god knows what other projects i’ve dumped on myself.. I’m trying to find all the time  to get everything up and running but i’m running short.. a little help please!.. I should post up pictures of my new messenger bag that i’m carrying Jane in these days.. but.. right now i’m lazy.. and i’m going to try to sleep.. good night.. and good day..

2007 ended with quite a whirlwind of things… For those of you that don’t know, I decided to lease a new car and do away with sven (my old volvo s60). Sven has now been replaced Izzie a 2008 Lexus IS 250. Yes yes.. i’m bragging a bit.. but come on now.. I can’t be happy for myself? I got a new laptop.. Jane to replace the broken and sadly forgotten Giskard.. And a new cubicle at work… That part I’m not too happy about, mostly due to the location and design of the cubicles the programmers have been shifted to. But we can’t complain… it has made the programmers bond a little more.. even if we are being sorta treated like secretaries..

I made no resolutions for 2008, mostly because I know I will break them.. but I am hoping for a more interesting, productive year. The “Pimped Out Cubicle” contest at work is over but still awaiting a winner.. some interesting things were done in order to make peoples work lives a lot better.. and a lot of money being spent on fancy keyboards and some fancy mice.

Good times I say.. Well.. I’m done with the first addition to the blog for 2008. I sincerely hope I get around to updating this thing more this year than I did last, and hopefully with things relevant and more interesting.

Without hesitation the future caught up with us. We closed our eyes for too long and now our realities are different. I’m still trying to keep the cigarette burning to light your way back… and keep the coffee warm in anticipation of your return.. but it’s getting harder. I’m a satellite now and i can feel myself pulling away…

Some of us became so different.. some of us still stayed the same… I said i would go… but I ended up staying.. and in some ways.. i’m paying the price for my choice.. and now… it seems.. all i have are memories… where once you stood lie vacant possibilities… dead end dreams and faded destinies…

I’m not myself these days… sometimes i think we forget how our actions have long lasting consequences… and some things.. their impact never lessens.. I find i abandoned too many in the pursuit of other things.. and there’s silence where once there was a multitude.. to those I let slip pass my grasp.. i’m sorry I didn’t try hard enough.. to those my actions caused you to leave.. I understand.. and someday.. when all is said and done.. I hope i’ll find you again.. and to those i had to leave… i offer no explanation… you should already know the reason why..

and with the light fading.. and the coffee getting cold.. i think we’re ready to face the future.. and let our past move gracefully out of the picture… put behind those things we clung onto as a piece of our younger years and embrace adult hood.. find love.. get married.. have children.. star careers.. live an unexpected life.. someday i’ll be ready to stop wishing you were still here.. but I’ll never forget your face.. and if one day.. we’re ready for that cup of coffee.. i’ll make a fresh batch.. and we can drown ourselves once again with nostalgia..

I’m not feeling right today.. I’m a little off my game and hopefully this loud dose of music will set me right.  I’m trying to use this anxious energy to get some work done.. and after 20 minutes spent on a stupid problem, I realize my own stupidity is to blame… but that’s allright it is to be expected… if I hadn’t gone running around asking for help and spent a few minutes sitting here and thinking about it, I probably could’ve resolved the problem without looking so stupid.. but as it is.. oh well..

Well, the tickets are booked for Chicago.  I’m looking forward to this trip.. I just need to get out of town for a while.. who knows.. maybe i’ll like it so much i decide to move there.. or vancouver.. i like the cold.. I can deal with the cold better than I can deal with the heat.. but that’s probably due to the holiday weight I’m holding..

I guess I’ll get over this soon.. given enough time.. you get over everything.. i’ll put my headphones back on.. and sit here.. staring at code.. and breathing in…. and out… one breathe at a time..