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Being unemployed is the pits. Being unemployed and sick is even worse. Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind sitting around doing nothing – outside of applying for jobs and reading an inordinate amount of news – but one eventually misses the routine provided by work. In all the chaos of finding a job and getting set up down under its easy to overlook ones birthday. But this year unlike most years I will be spending my birthday in a place I haven’t had a birthday in for almost 18 years.

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photo credit: thinkpanama

It’s fun reconnecting. After getting over the initial shock at having not seen someone in a while you can’t help but smile as you talk and catch up on the events that transpired in days gone by. Sometimes you share old stories and ponder what old acquaintances are up to. Sometimes you share new stories of the joys and pain of life. Either way it’s a chance to become a friend with someone you thought you had lost a long time ago.

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The flowers came today.  Sitting at my desk they serve as a reminder of how long I’ve been in the circling in the same place.  Three years ago I left a “promising” job at Iced Out Gear and began working in Downtown LA.  I ditched the cargo pants for slacks and a tie.  I switched to v-neck sweaters and topcoats.  Did I change?  Perhaps.  Am I still the same – more so than I realize.

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photo credit: sachman75

Tomorrow is the deadline for my bet with Ian to have dropped almost 30 pounds to my current weight. I believe I’m there but I can’t be quite sure, not having weighed myself in the last few days. It’s exciting to think that it’s been almost 4 months and in many ways I’m a different person. I’m more of the person I needed to be a long time ago but couldn’t bring myself to be.

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photo credit: Bistrosavage

It’s one of those nights. The hour is late and I’m putting off work to sit poolside and ponder the strangeness of it all. My sister turns 25 in a few minutes and I realize how fast the years have gone by. Almost 10 years since high school and over 16 since I came the US and for the most part it’s moved so fast.

Then there’s that moment where you realize what you’ve lost in the process. A whole other life. Moments given up to get to where you need to be, even then you sometimes begin to realize, you’re not really where you need to be. Sometimes the price was too great.

A life in motion because standing still is not an option.